Festive season - a season where all comes together and share this wonderful joyful event together with foods and smiles. Red lanterns and red decorations brighten up the room and the scent of mandarins so strong and sour that leaves my mouths waters. This year I feel festive and I can’t fathom why. I have this eagerness and excitement inside me whenever the thought of the food I’ll soon enjoy, the people I long have not seen, the places that I have not step foot for almost a year and the smiles of my dear relatives (some). I had never felt this wave of emotion for so long till the point of me not knowing how to react to it. Maybe it’s because I have gone away to college that had moulded me into this person that enjoys the idea of celebrating.
I used to hate festive seasons because I hate awkward talks with relatives that up till now are still confuse whether or not to speak Chinese or Malay to me and they talk so slowly as if I’m a toddler that couldn’t fathom concrete sentences. And as usual, to avoid social interactions, I would keep quiet and be the introvert that I am and go on my phone waiting anxiously to go back home. And it’s difficult when you don’t have any cousins of your age that you could hang with, most of them are either too old (no offence) or too young. Well, there is this cousin from Singapore but he is worse than me, he doesn’t talk to anyone which somewhat portrayed himself as rude and arrogant so there goes that.
Maybe this year will be different. I’m 19 now and at university, that’s a conversation starter right there but I won’t be much of chatter, I get too uncomfortable real fast with strangers. But a brief chew of the fat would be fine. But of course, I won’t be expecting much of those family moments simply because well, in my family, these are rare. I’ll be expecting quarrels and yelling like usual.
Happy Chinese New Year! Let it be a prosperous new year~!! :)
The day started with a cold breeze and disappointment yet excitement, for it was the last day of our midterm test that had sucked out most of ours sleep. Answering the arduous questions within a time constricting limit was challenging but completing it was a relief. We already planned ahead to celebrate our victory and also to just hang out for maybe the last time before it all finally ends. The plan was to go on a picnic at Taman Botani at Putrajaya. Excitement and eagerness were in the air. Instead of taking a nap like I usually do, I was requested assistance in preparing the food. It was fun and interesting to see how everyone cooperated so efficiently.
The foods were ready, bags were packed, clothes were worn and everyone was ready. We rented 2 mode of transportation to go to our destination, a car and a van, plus with a friend’s car, enough to drive approximately 20 people with ease. The clock struck 3pm and soon the van arrive and pick up about 14 people and they drove away quite late at around 3.30pm. Now, here came our first problem, 8 people were left to get a ride on the rented car but at the last hour after constant multiples of calls, we found that the rent car will not be available because there were no records of our reservation and booking.
It was nearly 4pm and anger and frustration were worn on some faces. Calls were made to get other cars to be rented and finally we got one. We were able to rent 2 cars which arrived at about 5.30pm. Unfortunately, our second problem of the day came; one of the cars broke down at our place due to an empty fuel tank. So, the other car had to drive to the nearest gas station and buys more fuel. After that, it was already 6.30pm and we had to go to the gas station again for a refill then we headed to our main destination.
We reached at about 7.30pm which was actually the time for us to leave from there. As soon as we arrived, we brought out the cake and celebrated 3 of our friend’s birthdays, and just grab a quick bite of the food. Pictures were taken and some were smeared in frosting and cream as usual. As the sunlight fades away, we packed our things and left. Since we technically rented the car for half a day and we had to return them tomorrow, we planned to hang around someplace else. So, around 12 of us drove all the way from Bangi to KLCC just to enjoy the park and when we arrive there, the park was closed. But we just snuck inside and talk. Unfortunately, before a game of true or dare starts, the guard asked us to leave and after twice being asked we finally did. We sat in a circle around the permitted area and began spilling some beans and embarrassed ourselves in public.
At midnight, we left and because one of the cars were parked elsewhere and they didn’t know where and how to go back because literally everyone’s phone were dead or dying and thus no GPS. We spent almost an hour searching whilst contacting them and finally we did and began driving home.
It was almost 2am and everyone was famished due to the lack of food intake since lunch and decided to head out again to eat at McD after taking a shower and changing. We chat at McD quite a while and an idea was raise. Port Dickson. Yeap, our next destination was an hour drive to another state just to hang out and feel the sand in our toes. Hesitation and reluctance was shared but finally agreed upon the invitation. So, after eating and refuelling the tank we drove to Port Dickson at about 5am or 6am. It was a long journey and I had to take over the 2nd part of the drive. It was really amazing to drive along the highway yet scary as well because it was dark and some of the cars were driving insanely. We arrived at 7am and after prayers, the lights poured in and we could see the beach and sea.
It had been awhile since I went to the beach and I actually felt relaxed and nice with the cold sand under my feet, the tides clashed my legs with its icy waves, and sweet company. After that we drove home at 8am and this time I drove all the way back with sleepy eyes, tired mind, wet and sandy feet.
All in all, it was a great experience and a hell of a fun time. Even though we were constantly hit with obstacles and problems but at the end of the day, it didn’t mattered because from it we made a story that is worth telling and it got me thinking, what if most of our problems we faced or life obstacles that challenged us do have their purpose? Maybe we just don’t know it yet.
I always had this imaginary dream that I picture myself being the hero of the day, saving one of my friends from trouble. I would just draw these scenes inside my head as usual and think of scenarios where I would just swoop in to the rescue and save their lives. This happens so often and I don’t know why.
After the recent depressing event, I was worried of one particular friend. He was in the worst condition than the rest and I already expected that from him. I tried approaching him trying to at least show him that I’m still there for him whilst struggling to give him his personal space. Everyone has their way of dealing with problems or losses and if isolating himself from the group meant making him feel a little better, then I should give him his rights.
That night, insomnia had hit yet again as thoughts wildly appear and reappear in my head creating scenarios and stories of fantasy that I so long of but knew would be impossible. I imagined myself building and redecorating this school bus into a road trip bus that I saw on Tumblr, hoping that after 2 years later we would use it to go on an adventure together. I also imagined myself learning things that I always wanted to, archery and being independent.
Then the next imagination runs wild of my friend. I was in class at my university when he rang me and whispered, “Could you come over? I need someone right now”. I could hear the sadness and urgency in his voice and fear began to consume my whole being. “I’ll be there as soon as I can” I replied trying to control my panic. “Don’t do anything stupid” I hung up.
I rushed back into the class and asked my friend if he could lend me his car for the day. He could see the emergency in my eyes and hear in my voice and agreed to. “Sorry ma’am but I have to go. It’s an emergency” I raised my hand, interrupting my teacher in her lesson and just ran out the door without waiting for an approval. I drove as fast as I could, as I gradually started to be plagued with fear. After a long 40 minutes’ drive, I reached in front of his place. I yelled out for him but got no answer. Instinctively, I climbed over his gate and opened the main unlocked main door.
Slamming the door behind of me, I yelled his name loudly and raced up the stairs and into his room. I pushed the door with force to witness my friend drenched in a pool of scarlet blood on his bed with a slash cut on his wrist with the razor blade sitting next to him. My mind stopped, unable to process. My body moved on its own, running towards him and slapping him to stay awake. I grabbed my handkerchief and wrapped around the wound and carried him into the car and drove to the nearest hospital.
***Waiting outside the emergency room in the hospital was nerve-wrecking and mind-boggling. I fidgeted in my seats as I was covered in sweats and blood, twitching my legs, anxiously waiting for the doctor to tell me if my friend would be okay. Minutes later, the doctor approached me and said that he would be fine as a sigh of relief escaped my breath.
The realization of one of your mates leaving for a couple of years; unable to see him, to talk to him, the only contact I can have with him is via e-mail, just drop.
“Platform 12, let’s go” he said whilst skipping.
The giggles and laughter had died down for we knew what was coming. Each step towards the gate was unbearable and slow, silently wishing we had more time by stalling. Everyone moved like zombies, weak and as if dragging their whole body, except for him. He moved quickly with enthusiasm that he always had with him. The thing that we will miss the most. There stood the solid blue bus that will soon drive our friend away.
“Alright guys” he said then began embracing each of us. He stretched his arm wide for me to accept. I hugged people so many times before but this was different. We embraced ourselves for some time, hands locked behind each other, unwilling to let go. I wanted to hold him till the bus go and force him to stay but I couldn’t. “Take care” I whispered and we broke off.
The hugging continues from one to another. His eyes were closed shut; his face was red like cherry. I thought he was faking until the first tears drop to the floor and he opened his bloodshot teary eyes. He started sobbing. The person who was so joyful just now started shedding tears. He had been strong for us, for himself, giving wise words that was actually meant for himself. “2 years is quick” he repeated.
Some started to cry, holding each tears down, unwilling to show defeat. I wanted to cry but the tears won’t come. I know I’m sad but somehow I didn’t feel anything, tears didn’t fall, throat wouldn’t sore, nose wouldn’t clog. I didn’t know what’s wrong. Looking at my friends who were sobbing with watery eyes, I felt bad. Am I not saddened by his departure? My mind was, but my body wouldn’t wasn’t, at least it wasn’t showing. Maybe I had been through so much that tears won’t fall anymore, maybe I was emotionally in control for once. But I didn’t want to be strong, I want to cry, to have puffy bloodshot eyes, to have my body quiver and feel vulnerable because I won’t be seeing my best friend for bloody 2 years. I want to feel something but nothing came. All that I felt was my body feeling weak and exhausted.
Breathing in carbon monoxide, we waited for the bus to go. He sat in his window-seat facing us. “Remember to e-mail me” he mimicked the movement towards me and I nodded and smiled as a respond. “Smile” he tried showing. But everyone wouldn’t. We were either looking at him or to the floor, sulking. Minutes went by and the door slide shut, the lights dimmed and the engine roar. It was time. The bus moved inches by inches as he slowly moved further and further away. We waved and bid goodbye and that was it.
